Trying to stay positive is easier said than done.

When we found out that we were going to have to do IVF to have a biological child, it was tough.  I think before it was confirmed, I somehow knew that was what was going to happen.  I had hope that it wasn't, but in the back of my mind, I knew.  Miserable is how I felt when we found out.  I don't think I was really prepared for all of this...but how do you prepare for anything like this anyway? HA!


In the months after we found out, I have felt like I am on a roller coaster.  My emotions seem to be up and down and all over in between. I think I feel this way for two reasons.  The first is that this feels like a last resort for us to have our own biological children. And, right now not having a biological child feels like the end of the world. We do know that being parents is the desire of our hearts, so if it comes to it, we will want to adopt. But, that feels like such a loss right now. I'm mourning the potential loss of a biological child, before we have had the loss.  I know it sounds stupid to do that, but these are the thoughts going through  my head....which is why trying to stay positive is easier said than done.  On the other hand, I do have my days where I am very hopeful and I honestly think that I could be pregnant in about 4 months and have a child by next Christmas! That thought brings a smile to my face.

As hard as it is to stay positive sometimes, it DOES happen.  I am not devastated and I have not lost hope. I do get down and it is hard for me to be around certain things and situations right now, but I manage. I still love being around my incredibly adorable nephews right now! Also, I will be excited to have a niece here soon!

We will start our first IVF cycle in three months.  Wow, it just seems like a lifetime away. Right now, I'm just "trying" to stay positive and hopeful, but really...I'm just trying to stay distracted from everything.